Our Next Evolution

09: Chapter from the novel "In The Wake Of Chaos"

[This is Chapter 9 of my novel, “In The Wake Of Chaos.” I encourage you to go back and read the previous chapters already posted in order to get the full richness of this magical story.]

“it begins inside each and every one of us...”

The overnight trip to Paris stayed true to the “thank you for a smooth as silk, safe, and uneventful flight,” mantra I recite on every plane ride I’ve taken since an especially turbulent air travel experience I had years ago. It was one of those 100-year storms, or so they said, but since climate-change weirdness has kicked in, recent years are becoming more volatile all around the globe, making my mantra all that more important. Luckily, this flight was smooth.

After landing in Paris, Derrick and I took a short flight to Toulouse in order to meet up with Ramon and Miriam, who had arrived the day before. All four of us are beyond excited with anticipation of what we might find deep within the mountains of southern France.

Speaking of France, the drive the beautiful countryside was gorgeous between Toulouse and our hotel. It’s one thing to see this region on TV due to worldwide coverage of events like the Tour de France bicycle race, but I’ve got to admit, experiencing it in person is way more impressive.

Feeling the expansiveness of France reminds me of my childhood. It has mirrored lakes, meandering rivers, grassy hillsides, majestic mountains, trees, birds, and animals in their natural habitat—all of which has been so important to me as far back as I can remember.

Nature gives me life.

Yes, the land is spectacular and the weather is perfect, although a bit cooler than I’d packed for and the rain is falling slightly, but it’s still beautiful. We were even treated to a double rainbow around the sun while driving past thousands of sunflowers across the rolling foothills. I’m reminded to breathe in the beauty of this moment.

Having had extensive discussions about the translated materials from the three scrolls recovered to date, all of us, including Clarissa, unanimously agree. These ancient texts reveal a system, that once implemented can transform our human experience—and greatly impact humanity as well.

The first “practice” tells us to breathe.

And so, that’s what I do.

Breathe in gratitude for this trip and also for my fellow companions. Breathe in gratitude for the beauty of this place. Breathe in gratitude for the opportunity to uncover new insights, as well as for those we’ve already discovered. This simple act of being grateful is transformative.

And the possibilities are endless. Just imagine, a practice to help eradicate mental health issues like fear, depression, and bipolar disorders. It could also help relationships that are on the rocks—and could be the key to unlock a more loving existence for each and every one of us.

As Clarissa suggested, when strung together one on top of the other, the sacred insights found within these scrolls and carefully preserved by the ancients, is in fact a long-lost sacred ritual that creates heaven on earth.

Wow! Wow! Wow!

Heaven on earth.

This very well might be the next evolution of humanity. And, from the looks of our society right now, it couldn’t have come at a better time. I wonder what revelations will unfold if, and when, we find the remaining seven scrolls.

Again, I can hardly wait.

Until then, each of us has begun practicing what has already been revealed through the first three scrolls. Beginning by making our home in the breath, then allowing any painful issues to rise to the surface and heal, and then letting go of any attachments we might have towards being right or having to defend our positions.

One, two, threes. It’s so simple.

And, pretty incredible!

We all agree that in each instance, when we’ve practiced this ourselves, how easy it is for spontaneous inspirations birthed from within us to come bubbling to the surface.

Derrick was even moved to introduce these newly discovered concepts to his brother Damien, along with his doctors, and they too are already seeing an improvement in the condition of his mental health and wellbeing.

That in itself is an extraordinary thing.

To me, the practical possibilities seem endless.

Finally arriving at our final destination, which is the medieval village of Alet-les-Bains, we decide to call it a day, and retire to our rooms to start fresh in the morning. It had certainly been a long haul for Derrick and I, since leaving Boston’s Logan International Airport the day before.

Shortly after settling in my own quaint guest quarters, I got a text from Derrick. He wanted to know if I might want to grab a drink or a bite to eat downstairs in the cellar pub before trying to catch some shuteye.

Was that butterflies I’m feeling again?

Uh oh…

I’m a bit nervous, which is weird.

But then, I’m not an expert in this arena, since I’ve been too busy being “career girl” rather than “dating girl.” When I entered the area reserved for dining and drinks, he was already there waiting at a corner table.

The room was inviting with its centuries-old stonework and wood-carved ceilings. I could almost imagine the three musketeers meeting in a place like this a long time ago. Derrick smiled as our eyes met from across the room.

As a gentleman would, he pulled out my chair in the proper etiquette style of days gone by. Pleasantly fun, but certainly not what I was used to receiving in a working relationship kind of way. I love that he never makes me feel like I am being hit on, which was usually the case with my previous employer situations.

It seems as if Derrick is cut from a different cloth.

And I’m beginning to like its texture.

Over the short time we’ve known each other, I have naturally let my guard down with him. Never once have I felt threatened by his presence—and not once has he acted inappropriately whatsoever.

What the heck.

Maybe I am falling for this guy.

We proceeded to enjoy a few glasses of wine along with cheese, and to go with it, a delicious soup. The perfect pairing for this European experience. And speaking of that, what might it be like if we decided to pair up ourselves?

Holy crap!! Did I actually think that?

Take my temperature. I must have a fever.

Well, obviously, he’s handsome. Check. We share many of the same interests. Check. He’s thoughtful, intelligent, and we enjoy deep conversations about life—finding out our core values are very much aligned.

Check, check, check.

If I’m not mistaken, this could easily lead to something more if we aren’t too careful. But, neither one of us seems to be in any hurry. We are simply taking pleasure being in each other’s company. At least for now.

Sometime later, we noticed we were the very last ones left in the room, so we graciously excused ourselves to the remaining staff and made our way up the six flights of stairs to our rooms. Evidently elevators are a rarity in Europe.

Always polite and considerate, Derrick offered to see me to my room. But, it was I who took the initiative to give him a quick hug just before he then excused himself.

“Sweet dreams,” I whispered…and that was that.

At least until I drifted off and fell nicely into a dream state of my own. Soon after, I found myself deep in the heart of a mountain cave, sitting on a dried woven grass mat in a circle around a fire, that both provided heat and a light that glowed upon our faces.

There was a handful of other women there with me, and all of us seemed to be listening very intently to what the oldest and sagest of this special gathering was saying. She was a beautiful woman, with silver hair and wisdom lines near her eyes and mouth—subtle, and yet revealing the experience of many years within one lifetime. There was a loving kindness in her eyes, warmth in her voice, and a depth of intelligent awareness that flowed outwards from her potent energy when she spoke;

“At the deepest core of our being is pure love. When we connect to this love, something deeper emerges and rises above the illusions of all other energies that are not of this world.

We begin to see each other for who we really are, and all of nature around us for the beauty that it beholds.

There is nothing other than the energy of love and reverence for all life. Only then are we able to discern the expansiveness of possibilities that envelopes us in each moment of time.”

It was at this point in the dream when I shifted from being one of the women gathered within the circle of fire and listening to this profoundly wise one, to me being one that could be described as an outside observer looking in from beyond the veil.

They say when we have an out-of-body experience, it’s something like this—observing what’s going on from above. Although I’ve never personally had a near-death experience, that’s what it felt like for me.

And so, from a observer’s point of view, I listened to what this revered woman said, and carefully recorded it in my journalistic mind—through a storyteller’s format.

I decided to title it, “The Queen of Compassion;”

“Allowing the love to flow freely, outward and inward, especially inward to heal her own heart, Madison sits at the foot of a master and listens as her very presence does the teaching. Little or no words are necessary to be given the gift of this chance encounter. She feels the love and compassion flowing like a river out of this amazing woman.

A deep inner knowing and feeling of warmth rises up to be noticed, and mostly, to be honored in a way much like when you hold a newborn infant for the first time. A jewel sparkling in the sunlight and capturing its brilliance, if even just for a fleeting moment. Madison feels she could stay here in this woman’s presence forever, absorbing and embracing the ancient wisdom that seems to be so effortless and flowing outward from the essence of her being.

Lifetimes of experiences and memories flood the cavern. Past, present, and future together as one. Swirling and blending together as if by magic. What is this sacred space she has entered?

It’s as though time were standing still and all of life’s mysteries were merging and mixing into one another. Such a magical feeling which is practically impossible to describe. There was a strong pull and emerging desire to know more. Her inquisitive mind was at odds somewhat with her deepening desire to just sit in this feeling and ride it out to wherever it was leading her.

And yet, there were so many questions popping up in her pretty little head, like popcorn kernels in hot oil on a stove. But there was also a calming strength rising up from deep within, that gently caressed her need to know and eased her into a state of knowing all is well.

No need to push or jump out of the gate to win a race. There was time for all things to merge with her soul in such a natural and effortless way. Energies dancing with one another in this spiritual exchange of knowledge.

It was as though they were communicating in such a way that words weren’t even necessary.

And quite frankly, Madison was uncertain if either she or this wise woman had spoken a word since they were first introduced. Had they been together for mere moments? Or hours upon hours? Perhaps even days or weeks. She simply was unsure.

But she was certain this is a pivotal moment in her life, and that she is forever being changed by the beautiful experience. She feels she is witnessing her younger self blending with her older self—a women who has experienced much and was eager to share the wisdom she had lived.

It was circular in nature as they danced in these memories with no beginning and no end. Were they memories, or were they prophesies? Madison certainly did not know during this moment of time she found herself in.”

Just then, something jolted me awake, eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling. Often what shakes us at our core is what shakes us awake. I marveled at the realization these insights mirrored—and for what so far has been revealed in the scrolls we now lovingly refer to as The Practice.

The woman in my dream reaffirmed that first, we begin by loving ourselves, deeply and fully. Next, we must drop the illusions of blame, criticism, and judgment. From there, we then shift our focus towards seeing a larger and more expansive picture of what is going on. A simple, yet profound practice indeed.

And a trinity of thoughts keep coming to the forefront of my mind. Once we come from an expanded observer viewpoint, we begin to see the greater possibilities. For instance, when it comes to the craziness of current times and this administration, its practices, policies, and in particular its leader, President Trump, we must see beyond the surface idiosyncrasies.  

There is more here than meets the eye, and I am just beginning to get a glimpse of what this means. So, in order to see the entire picture, we must pull back and become the observer to witness what is truly going on in the midst of the chaos. Yes, I know, most of us realize, and as evidenced in a social media post I read recently, he is way outside the norm in terms of presidents of years past.

He is unapologetic for his behaviors—and essentially thinks there isn’t anything wrong with how he sees the world or how he behaves in it.

It is who he is.

And yet, if we love ourselves deeply, there is no option other than to forgive him, as we remember that in the deepest part of ourselves there is only pure love.

This applies to everyone.

Love resides in him too—although it may be buried deep inside and not visible to him or others. But pure love forgives unconditionally. This pertains to those who are like us, and agree with us, and those who are not like us, including those with whom we disagree, or don’t see eye to eye on various ideas or issues.

Oh joy.

Many would argue that Trump’s a racist, an egomaniac, and certainly a narcissist. We can either get all up in arms about it, or we can see it for what it is. Those who study narcissistic personality disorders tell us “It’s not curable and it’s barely treatable.” This may, or may not, be true, and if I put on my rose-colored glasses, I can hope that love heals all. But again, he is who he is.

At least in the short-term, there’s no getting better, or learning or adapting, and I know Trump’s certainly not going to “rise to the occasion” for more than maybe a few hours or so. So, we all are going to have to just put that idea out of our minds for now.

And this is where the part about dropping all blame, criticism, and judgment comes in. Experts have warned us from the beginning, “He’ll do whatever he feels like doing.” “He lies a lot and says different things to different people, so stop being surprised by this.”

And yet, we see he can be influenced by making him feel good. Just don’t expect him to respect the traditional boundaries of this office, since entitlement is apparently a key aspect of this disorder. Once again, this is where loving ourselves deeply and fully can bleed over into having compassion for others.

Individuals, who feel fully loved by others and by themselves, find it hard to judge another’s actions, especially when they have not actually walked in that person’s shoes.

Yes, sometimes it’s a hard pill to swallow.

Especially now.

Watching someone like Trump, who thinks rules don’t apply to him, is tough. While this thrills his supporters, it appalls most everyone else—especially his critics. Those who study Narcissistic Personality Disorder warn us to “expect lots of chaos, firings, and recriminations. He will probably behave worst toward those closest to him.”

Which brings this to mind.

Have we ever seen a president fire so many people?

Well, that’s par for the course, since from his Apprentice show days, his favorite line was “You’re Fired!”

This is where the message in my dream really hits home for me—in the part about shifting our focus to see the larger and more expansive picture. Yes, terms like gaslighting, falsehoods, and alternative facts are fast becoming the norm. And unfortunately, we can’t ignore the president, but being outraged at his daily tweets is just enabling him by spreading his rants further.

This does us no good and is certainly not great for our emotional health. It’s like being so angry at someone else that you keep engaging with them and drinking their poison, hoping instead that they’ll be the ones who get sick from it.

Nice try. But it doesn’t work that way.

And besides, the narcissist probably hasn’t even noticed all that pent-up anger you’re holding inside anyway. So, in the end, what’s the point? We need to focus on the bigger picture here. And precisely why this jet-lagged girl should get some much needed shuteye, before resuming our search for the hidden scrolls in the morning. No more time for intoxicating dreams, I need to get some quality sleep.

Just then, the alarm went off.

Wow. I guess I was asleep after all.

After a quick breakfast, Derrick, Miriam, Ramon, and I left with our hiking boots firmly on and backpacks ready to go. Our destination was the Gorge de Galamus, a stunning canyon in the mountain region of Pyrénées-Orientales, and to a stone cavern where the locals believe Mary Magdalene once taught and preached after the crucifixion. Incidentally, it’s where a thousand years later they built the Hermitage, a church inside the rock as a tribute to her.

Now isn’t that interesting?

I’ve always been intrigued with caves for some reason.

Along the way, the four of us continued to expand on what we’d learned so far from these sacred scrolls. It’s unbelievable how each of us has already gained so many insights from each of them.

Ramon again filled us in on where we were headed. He told us that back in 1782, during a gangrene epidemic, the young men of this village went to, what is called, the Cave of the Magdalene with a relic of St. Antoine, to ask the saints to rid them of the disease. Soon afterward the disease disappeared from the village, and that’s when they built the hermitage and a small chapel on the site to honor her.

Mary Magdalene and a plague?

Now, that’s another interesting tidbit.

As we got closer to our destination, the road narrowed and became twisty-curvy along the mountainside. Normally this would make me carsick. However, the overwhelming beauty was such a nice distraction.

It reminded me of rolling Yosemite Valley, along with Big Sur on the coastline of California, and the lush hillsides of North Carolina all into one.

Simply breathtaking.

Nature at its finest.

After some time, and a multitude of cell phone picture taking moments, we arrived at the first of three caves on our list to explore. It was a relatively small one, with only two chambers, which took us no time at all to complete our initial inspection.

The second one was more intriguing, as it had only recently been discovered, and there wasn’t much advanced research we could do on it beforehand.

Little did I know what would come next.

Almost instantly, I was struck by ancient visual images in my mind. Flashes of the dream I experienced the night before, floated in and out, but what caught my breath was the improbable distant memories of none other than Jesus and Mary Magdalene herself.

And a circle of fire…

It was as if I were watching a movie screen.

Images of them were suspended in time.

Here we go with that circular time thing again. Was I actually witnessing them here in this cave? Or was it more of a mystical memory embedded in the cavern walls?

I don’t know.

What I did realize for certain was this. Genuine love and respect was shared between these two—and in such a powerful way. But I also observed a profound sadness through the eyes of Mary. It was as if I could sense her anguish at later being left completely alone and hidden in the remoteness of these caves—as well as being silenced. This slipped me into feeling the collective silencing of all feminine voices—over centuries upon centuries.

The heaviness of this was suffocating.

Derrick, sensing my distress, gently put his arm around me and asked if I was okay. My eyes must have revealed more than could escape my lips, so he encouraged me to sit on a rocky outcropping within the cave.

Once I found my voice, I tried explaining it away as maybe a case of jetlag or lack of sleep, assuring him I’d be fine in a few moments. A bit disoriented perhaps, but as long as I drank some water, I’d be good as new.

Taking the water bottle out of my backpack, I caught a glimpse of my journal. It had a sparkling energy about it, which gave me an idea. Sensing my desire to be alone, the others were kind enough to give me that space by offering to return to the village to grab some lunch and bring it back.

Perfect.

This gives me more time to be alone.

And, with my thoughts.

I was torn between feelings of déjà vu—the feeling that I’d been in this exact place before and was connected to this cave somehow—and the need to follow Ramon’s advice who said our third stop, the Hermitage, was the most likely place to find the remaining scrolls. I found myself leaning towards staying put and right where I was.

Once the trio departed for the village, I explored the two larger portions of the cave. Finding the perfect place to settle in, I took my journal out to jot down my recent impressions. No sooner had I done that, and this string of beautiful thoughts came flowing through;

“My dear Madison, how proud I am of you. Following your intuition, as you have, takes great courage and strength. You are sensing feelings of grief and despair. When I arrived here after the crucifixion, I had fallen deep into the same emotions.

But great love never dies, and I eventually found true love transcends all circumstances. Let me impart upon you the clarity of heart Jesus shared with me during my personal time of great pain. He said to me, ‘You feel disconnected from me because you are. You have unconsciously done so in an attempt to protect your broken heart from this earthly existence over centuries of pain and heretical bloodshed.

You need to just be with this and allow these feelings to dissipate naturally. Remember, you cannot control how others react or respond—you can only put the truth out there in plain sight for others to either accept or reject. You are residing in the depths of despair and unresolved pain. As you climb your way out of this, you will be more resilient for it and by taking this side journey upon your path.

Each of these steps will make you stronger in faith and resolve to share your truths, because on the other side resides the lightness and beauty and essence of pure love. Infuse these feelings into your pursuits, both written and spoken from one to another. It is the way of love. I am always with you, whether you can feel it or not. I have never abandoned you, not now, nor ever in the past. It is only your human and self-protecting tendencies that block my love and divine connection with you.

Never doubt my love or my physical presence within you. I am here and will always be with you side-by-side, heart-to-heart, walking each step along your path towards destiny. We are one, today, tomorrow, and have always been in each yesterday of eternal existence. Never doubt this or forget this, ever!! I am here, now go ahead with my love in your heart and be fully expressed in all that you do, be, and are. I love you, I love you, I love you, now, then, and for always.

Open your heart to this and feel the warmth of my love seep into every area of your existence, here, there, and everywhere.

Share our love with the world. No fear. I will show you the way to do so, as I know you have fears of being persecuted, and rightly so, but remain strong. You can and will be allowed to speak your truths, our truths, together as one.’

And knowing this, Madison, I was comforted and restored within the depths of my heart. These truths, our collective truths, are what you too shall bring out into the world. May you be as blessed as I have been in doing the same. The future of generations to come is at stake and the time is now to restore these truths for the betterment of all mankind.”

It was as if there was a mentor, mentee thing going on here. The older self-counseling the younger self, which led me into a deeper knowing that all was well. And that it had always been so, despite sometimes looking and feeling otherwise. It is merely our perceptions of what is going on that actually clouds the truth.

I also came into the awareness of just how incredibly close, if not intimate, the relationship both Mary of Magdala and Jesus shared with one another—as though they had truly joined forces.

Two as one.

Each brought their own unique strengths that perfectly complemented the other—actually showing us how two can become one in a brilliant display of divine love. And, in such a powerful force of potency. In a similar, yet subtle way, I can see the possibility of this within both Derrick and I.

Oh my god, did my thoughts really just say that?

Step one. Breathe girl. Just breathe.

Putting the journal aside, my attention was drawn to a pile of stones near the corner of where I sat. Not noticing them before, it now looked somewhat like an alter in the way these rocks were placed. Now that’s interesting.

By removing some of the smaller ones I detected a slight opening. It appeared to be a tiny compartment. Using the lantern I’d brought to get a better look, it was indeed a storage space of sorts. As I carefully removed more stones to get a better angle, I saw what looked like several clay jars.

Oh my gosh. Could it be?

Anticipation overload.

Is this what we’ve traveled continents to find?

The hair on the back of my neck stood at attention.

Unable to contain my excitement, I cautiously reached in to select one of the jars, and what I found inside the first one was a familiar sight. Papyrus scrolls. Again, it was not recorded in my native language of course, but it was unmistakably the same in terms of sacredness to those ancient writings we recently found in Israel.

And if memory served me right, it was also in the same handwriting style as the scrolls we had previously found.

Words cannot describe this moment.

Step one. Remember to breath.

As I gingerly retrieved each of the centuries-old jars from their hiding place, I felt a silent presence behind me.

This time however, it was a feeling of warmth and genuine love—and not in any way, dark and menacing as it had felt whenever Damien was nearby or trying to interfere.

Hard to express the emotions I felt all at once.

Other than peace and tranquility.

I turned around to see Derrick, whose beaming smile matched my own. Rising up to greet him, I couldn’t help myself and planted a big spontaneous kiss upon his lips.

What???

Madison are you insane?

Have you gone mad?

Maybe.

But it felt so right!

Dropping the sandwiches he’d brought back with him, he matched the passion of my embrace with some of his own. And we stood there together for what seemed like lifetimes—neither of us was in a rush to let go. Funny thing is, both Ramon and Miriam, who had followed Derrick into the cave, didn’t seem surprised at all.

Apparently, everyone was in the loop.

Except for me.

I guess I’d been in denial.

Which was so apparent when after opening my eyes and seeing their big grins lighting up the cave. Flushed cheeks and all, I couldn’t hide my feelings if I tried. But who cares? It appears that the four of us were all in unanimous, yet silent, agreement that this union was the perfect and most natural progression our relationship deserved.

Why am I always the last to know?

Gratefully, it was now out in the open and no longer hidden. My mom would certainly be happy! One could draw a parallel to what was actually being uncovered within the confines of this cavern. The essence of love being presented in two different forms. One, a timeless treasure, whose moment of revelation was at hand—and for the benefit of the entire world. The second, another timeless treasure—yet more personal and private, revealing the experience of two souls seeking to merge as one.

Pure love is a kaleidoscope of colors.

Each one, unique in itself and precious.

I hope to experience every shade.

Each one at a time—and all at once.

As I turned back toward the spoils of my discovery, the amazing thing was how much I felt the presence of my new mentor from another time, Mary Magdalene. She was beaming as well. And I could feel her energy with us as if she were standing there right beside me.

With great reverence and gratitude, I then showed the others what I found. And in doing so, we discovered there were exactly seven scrolls in all. It looks as though we might have uncovered the remaining sacred scrolls that Clarissa was so adamant I needed to find. Oh, how I’m looking forward to sharing these with her upon our return. Not to mention the thrill of having another magical visit with sweet young Grace, so together we can translate the treasured messages these scrolls undoubtedly contained.

I simply can’t wait.

But first, I must grab one of those sandwiches.

All of a sudden, I realized just how famished I was. Lucky for me, Derrick knew exactly what I’d like. So, the four of us sat in silence as we devoured our lunch.

All was well in this enchanting cave.

Once again, life is good.

Better than good.

Simply amazing, I’d say.

“There is nothing other than the energy of love and reverence for all life. Only then are we able to discern the expansiveness of possibilities that envelopes us in each moment of time.”

- said by the wise sage with the women in the cave

[Continue reading Maddie’s complete story “In The Wake Of Chaos” as each chapter is released…see the “Previous” & “Next” tabs right under the Like/Share bubbles below]